


The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

by Venrajade



Series: Everything's Good and Nothing Hurts: A Hobbit AU. [3]
Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Dwarf Culture, Fluff, M/M, Songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venrajade/pseuds/Venrajade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Company welcomes the Durin's Folk back to Erebor, but Thorin has a surprise for Bilbo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

**Author's Note:**

> There were so many nice and lovely comments on my last story that I couldn't resist writing a little cracky one-shot in the same universe. I changed Dwarves to Dwarrows because that's how Tolkein rolled.

            Thorin was feeling incredibly pleased with himself. In just two short weeks the main caravans from Ered Luin would be arriving, along with his sister Dis. They had had to wait for months after reclaiming Erebor to organize the majority of Durin's people to come due to the fact that it was late September when the mountain became theirs and with winter coming they would not have been able to travel or support a great deal of Dwarrows at the time. It had also been Bilbo's birthday, and Thorin had felt so guilty when over a week later his husband had informed him that amidst all the destruction and celebration afterwards that he had turned 50 years old. 50 seemed ridiculously young to Thorin, but Bilbo assured him that 50 was exactly middle age by Hobbit reckoning, and that Thorin was in no way "robbing the cradle," as it were. Luckily, Durin's Day was a rare event and wasn't likely to overshadow Bilbo's future birthdays.

            Now it was Spring and the ice was still melting, they had bought a good stockpile of food from Laketown and abroad, and most of all, Thorin was sure he had solved a problem that had been plaguing him since he began courting Bilbo at the beginning. Thorin was stubborn, and so once he had decided to marry Bilbo nothing would have stopped him except for Bilbo's refusal. Though he had the complete support of the Company, there was still the matter of the Durin's Folk acceptance. Bilbo seemed convinced that his presence would be as disputed as it had been by Thorin himself at the beginning of their journey, but Thorin had a plan.

            It was true that Dwarrows were a suspicious lot and they would be hard-pressed to find worth in such a soft species as the Hobbits. Consorts were typically paid no mind regardless of their gender or material background due to the fact that their role was to be the King's companion, not the people's. But having a Hobbit as a consort was indeed a strange thing and Thorin knew if he did nothing, Bilbo would be targetted with derisive curiosity at best, and snide hostility at worst. Lucky for both of the royal couple, Bilbo was something that no Dwarf could deny; he was a war hero.

            Dwarves loved their heroes unreservedly. Thorin's own last name was the result of the infamy he gained after his first encounter with Azog and his bravery made him beloved, even if he had never reclaimed Erebor for the rest of his life. Bilbo, as an essential member of the Company, would appreciate the same benefits of being a war hero, so long as Thorin highlighted his involvement. Ori had suggested sending an early transcript of the quest that he had been writing, which wasn't a bad idea; but then Nori, who knew so much about the ways information travelled suggested something much, much better.

A song.

\-----

"Thorin! Thorin hurry up I can see them!" Bilbo rushed ahead, resplendent in his consort's crown and robes. Thorin had commissioned both Dwarrow and Hobbit clothing to be made for Bilbo when it became clear that his own had not withstood their quest very well at all. Throughout the winter whenever Bilbo went out he favoured the warm fur-lined Dwarrow clothing, but within the royal quarters he still donned his trousers and waistcoats, though Thorin had insisted on fine metal buttons on everything. With the couple came the rest of the Company who had not gone to Ered Luin to help organize, they came to the top of the stairs and waited for the mass of people to approach. There had to be at least 600 Dwarrows, which would triple Erebor's population in a single go, and Thorin was glad that they had worked so hard to make sure there was enough housing open for them all.

"Thorin.. are they, singing?" Bilbo asked while fidgeting next to him.

"Sounds like it," Thorin replied, hardly able to suppress his grin. How pleased Bilbo would be when he discovered that his people held him in such high regard.

"Oh, is it a Dwarrow welcoming song?" Bilbo inquired curiously, settling a bit as the clear relief exhibited by the caravan made itself known.

"You could say that," it was only a few moments later that the caravan got close enough that some of the words drifted upwards to the Company…

_Bilbo (Bilbo)_   
_Bilbo Baggins_   
_He's only three feet tall_   
_Bilbo (Bilbo)_   
_Bilbo Baggins_   
_The bravest little hobbit of them all_

 

"Thorin, what are.. why are they… THORIN!?"

           

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you've never heard the song referenced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGF5ROpjRAU.  
> You can see why I would think it's hilarious if 600 dwarves decided that this would be Bilbo's anthem to honour him.


End file.
